See? Politics are funny too.

by James Buckland

First off, enjoy your holiday season. You'll need to.

The weeks ahead will be tough. You'll need to transfer over your television set to digital cable. You'll need to purchase a new set of dishes, as the old ones are cracked and dirty. But most importantly, you'll need to whitewash that portrait of President Bush off your den wall and start sketching out the distinguished features of our new president, President Obama.

A few tips. The mouth is as wide as the distance between the pupils. Our House of Representatives has 435 members. The block party is on Tuesday, January 20. Be there. Are you excited? Good.

The Blajovetich... Blogojov... B— scandal was terrible, and it is a relief to most people that President-Elect Obama was not involved. I say most people. Anyone else, you know who you are. There is, however, some bad news. Recent reports say that President-Elect Obama gives speeches. Do you know who else gave speeches? Stalin. I can find plenty of true Americans who will back me up on that one.

Sadly, Obama is a leader. Do you know who else was a leader? Julius Caesar. And he was kidnapped by pirates. This is true. They held the ransom at twenty gold talents, and he insisted he was worth more. They raised it to fifty, and then the Senate bailed him out and he chased them down and killed all of them.

The lesson to be learned is that Obama should have had the common sense not to have been kidnapped by pirates in the first place. And he would certainly have gotten a bailout from our Senate. The modern one. With the stone columns, and all the Latin.

Oh, I see your point.

-James Buckland