The Young Sentinel's Easy Access Guide to the Internet
by The Young Sentinel
We're back with another installment of McCainWatch. This time, our source is the New York Times (by way of politicalwire.com):
"I am learning to get online myself, and I will have that down fairly soon, getting on myself. I don't expect to be a great communicator, I don't expect to set up my own blog, but I am becoming computer literate to the point where I can get the information that I need... I don't e-mail, I've never felt the particular need to e-mail."As anyone remotely familiar with the internet can tell you, this has a certain - shall we say - artificial ring to it.
-- Sen. John McCain, once again raising an important question.
For the benefit of Senator McCain and others like him, I have constructed The Young Sentinel's Easy Access Guide to the Internet. Get Online in Just Seven Easy Steps!
- Get a computer. This requires going to a store (or, in your case, Mr. McCain, using one of the hundreds his campaign has available.
- Next, you press the big button on the front. This, through a magical process, turns on the computer!
- Once the computer is on, you move the "mouse" around. The icon on the screen moves based on how you move your hand. A highly complex process, this can take literally minutes to master.
- With the mouse take the big pointer icon on the screen (HINT: it's the one that moves when you move your hand) and click it - get this - TWICE on the icon that says "Internet Explorer" [or any other universally known browsers].
- [If you've lost me, have someone knowledgeable turn off the computer and repeat from step 2.] Checkpoint: There should be light coming out of the big rectangular thing in front of you that looks like a TV. You know, TV - that invention that happened after the radio. This is known as the screen. Having clicked TWICE on the internet icon, the screen should change as a NEW WINDOW COMES UP!
- Now you go to the white box at the top of the screen that says the name of the website and type the words "news.google.com" into the computer by pressing the square buttons known as "keys" on what is known as the "keyboard". These keys are conveniently marked with the alphabet in bold, friendly letters.
- Then press the big button that says "ENTER". Having completed this intellectually grueling process, the computer will display that "page" on the "screen". It is now possible to get the information you need through a difficult technique known as "reading". This is so difficult, many first graders have trouble with it.
In any case, Senator, I hope you will learn something from my tutorial. Maybe someday you will learn the Great Mysteries of Email. Even if you don't, I'm sure you'll be a "computer literate".
Until later, John.
-The Young Sentinel
3 comments:
Is there something wrong with not being computer literate?
Sure, most people would prefer to ditch the old fashioned ways, but why do you have to blatantly insult him for being old fashioned?
Just adding on to that, what do we mean when we say "computer literate"? There are different degrees of that. The vast majority of Internet users use Internet Explorer. To some that qualifies them as computer illiterate.
Its all a matter of degree. To a hardcore kernel hacker, we're all computer illiterate, but does the fact that I can't program device drivers have anything to do with my fitness for political office?
Besides, to tell the truth if I had an army of aides at my beck and call I probably wouldn't use the net much either. Who needs to use Google when you can get an aide to do it for you?
I don't need or want my President to know everything. I want him to have advisers who do, and more importantly, the ability to listen to those advisers, take their advice, and then make a good decision.
But that's beside the point. McCain's past statements and statements by advisors indicate that he has no clue whatsoever in how to operate and manipulate even the most basic functions of a computer. This is disturbing because it demonstrates how isolated the Senator has been for the last fifteen years.
Adults are reminded of when George Bush Sr. was in the grocery store and showed that had never before seen a price scanner (the implication being that it had been years since he had bought his own food).
Anyone in today's society who does not use or know how to check email or move around the web clearly is very, very isolated from everyone else in the world. We are entering an age in which we are more likely to be attacked in cyberspace than in the physical world. We need a President who is web "literate" enough to appreciate the challenges and advantages posed by the internet.
Rishubhav said: "I don't need or want my President to know everything. I want him to have advisers who do, and more importantly, the ability to listen to those advisers, take their advice, and then make a good decision."
That's what we said about Bush. It's the exact same argument.
Take this as you will. I rest my case.
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